I have never been in a stag shop. I went in one today. I wish I could take it back. I don't think I was fully prepared for what it had to offer. There was the usual it store kind of stuff. Hey that was a piece of cake. Then there was the ponos and stuff. I can handle that. Dildo's I can handle those. What I couldn't handle and didn't really expect was the fake female genitalia. I didn't expect it to be so elaborate and in your face. You can get just about anything that you want there. Oh, by the way I went there to get a 5 dollar gift for an exchange. You can turn off your dirty dirty minds now.



I don't think I will make a repeat of the visit. It's not really my kind of store.

I really have an assignment to do. I really don't want to do it. What should I do? Can I fake it? I can try.

Time



The future is intoxicating.

It consumes my thoughts.

I lay still as my mind accelerates.

There is no control.

I cannot stop.

I am over-whelmed with what may come.

I cannot focus on the present.



The past is comforting.

It absorbs my being.

It cannot be replaced.

It is gone.

I clearly remember.

I cannot forget.

I cannot focus on the present.



The present is disturbing.

It is unachievable.

It is here.

There is no control.

There is only panic and hope.

It shapes who I am.

I do not wish to be here.

It was just chaos at our house. FIrst I noticed that a firetruck stopped in front of our house. When I looked out the window we saw that there was a car on fire in the driveway next door. Me and all my roommates were staring like a bunch of tourists as the firemen lifted the hood of the car and put the fire out. In all the commotion on roommate was mained and recieved a bloddy nose for walking into my brick wall of a body. Those funny tourists.

Ahh, Sleep has spelled relief for me. Yesterday was crap-tacular for mw. I have been taking zinc to help repair the hole in my ear. I don't think my body was liking it too much. It gave me an upset stomach all day, but I am feeling 100% better today. Did you hear there is going to be a britney spears special. I must investigate!

Life can be so tiring. It seems often that there are no rewards. We must always be optimisitic otherwise we will be bitter people and have no friends.


The good news is I found a place to live in TO. It is on the 21st floor. The top floor of an apartment building on Yonge and Finch. I met the new roommate and I think he will be good. We both have similar tastes. I am going to try my hardest to have a lot of fun this winter. I think it has been far to long since I have had a lot of fun. Fun is fun don't you think?

Well, I was right. My mother totally spazzed about getting a ring in my ear. She said "you disrespect me and your father". I just don't get it. I think they see something different about getting your ear pierced. There is a ton of other things that I could have done that are much worse. I really think they are disrespecting me by not honouring my wishes about keeping it. I am 22 years old and I still have to have battles with my framily. I really hate that.

I really wish that I could turn my mind of when I went to sleep. I always seem to think about all the things that I have been avoiding or haven't focused on in a while. My sessions could go on for hours. I really wish my mind had a switch.

I am going to go home tomorrow. I am pretty sure that I will get into some fight with my mother. It won't be about anything big. Probably over the earing I got, but none the less I still would rather not have to go through the whole ordeal. I guess there is some point in your life where you are not really afraid of your parents. They cannot punish you for the things they do. All they can do is opionate you to death. When I am a parent I think opinions will have to walk a fine line. I don't want to make that my kids don't want to tell me things just to avoid the hassle. Case in point: A friend of mine's sister is getting married. The groom is a different religion. To avoid the hassle, the parents were told that he had changed religions. The couple just wanted to avoid the hassle. That is something I hope never happens in my family.

It's a good thing that movies and plays do not actually reflect what life is really like. I just finished ready Othello. A nice little tragedy by William Shakespeare. In all these little stories anything and everything is solved by killing someone. You think your wife is sleeping around on you, Kill her. You think your boss slept with your wife, Ruin his life and for extra points get a lot of people killed in the process. I guess it makes for a good story but it is still violent. I guess mankind has learned to be desensitized from an early age.

Do you ever feel like you are wasting time. You are just occupying it. You do nothing constructive with it. You could do something with it, but you never do. Instead you waste it. That is what you do. Is that my purpose? Finally something that I seem to excel at. Now if I could just focus those energies that go into wasting on something for the greater good of mankind. I could solve world hunger and not tell anyone because I wasted my time.

This weekend has been good for R and R. It has been very poor for getting work done. I guess I healthy mind is better than an over taxed one.

This little poem came to mind last night.



It's easy to ignore, to give up, to feel alone.

It's hard to try, to love, to let go, to let you in.

I am listening to my new love. I think she just sealed the deal. One of the lyrics refers to love being a circle, a mobius strip. This probably would only impress math geeks like me, but none the less. She said it.

I think that my obsession with Chantal Kreviazuk is in danger. A new girl may be able to steal my heart away with her blue eyes and black hair. The only problem is Nelly Furtado is 19. I think I may be too old for her. Not really, maybe it was all just a twisted lye so the young teens will still think that they have a chance with her.

I am coming down with a case of nintendo thumb. I have been playing "Bart vs. the Space Mutants" way too long. I am getting better at it though.

Nintendo can be so addictive. Today I was doing work and as a reward I would play the Simpsons on Nintendo. At the beginning of the day I could barely make level 2 yet alone beat it. Now at the end of the day I am much improved. I can beat level 2 and am on my way to beat level 3. This either means I did a lot of work today or over rewarded myself. You decide.

In response to this: I am just a really bad typist. I don't bother to proof read or fix up my posts. That does not make me a bad spelling. Just a lazy ass!

My new who name is Beekeeper Brad Sizzle-moo-who. If you want to know yours, check out city hall at www.meanone.com

Work term reports are the scourge (got that one from mayhaps) of the coop experience here at Waterloo. For the first 4 work terms students required to hand in a 10-15 page analysis that has to do with their current job. For the first 2 reports I did satisfactorily. Nothing special. I just did them. The 3rd one there was a little comment that basically said id I handed in something this crappy it would never recieve credit for my fourth report. With this in mind I handed in the 4th one last Spetember. I picked it up today. The first thing I saw was this little letter attacched to the front. (My heart dropped, for sure my work report has been rejected). I read the letter. It was quite the opposite. My work report had recieved an oustanding grade from the university and was a candidate for work report rewards. This amused me way too much. Sometimes I guess I can just turn it on. Now all I need to do is find the switch.

During my class this groppy (grow-pee) couple kept annoying me. They would poke at each other and flirt etc and they did it for the entire class. I wish the groppy couple would just get a room. The class room is a place to learn, it is only acceptable to have sex there if no one is around.

There was a boy who decided that lever 200 body wash was the thing for him. (It rated highest in scents that women like, but there are many other factors that may add to the reason such as soft skin. women dig that). To go along with this he need a lather builder (aka shower puff). He loved this lather builder and used it all the time until one day ot broke. The string that kept it together had fallen off and the lather builder unravelled and was no useless. In an effort to replace he looked in the drugstore and the grocery store. The only thing to be found was a lather builder with disney characters built in. This was not acceptable. What will our hero do? The saga continues....

I saw my room mate open piece of mail that was not hers. Does that make me an accesory to it?

The weekedn was great. Lots of good friends (minus a few good friends that where unable to make it) and lots of fun. The highlight would have to be 5 or so of my 20 something friends trying to dance like Britney Spears in Oops I did it again...

There is nothing I hate more than people who ignore you when they are mad at you. Does that make me confrontational. I really don't like it becase it is probably over something that would be so easy to resolve. Another negative thing that happens is you sometimes get mad at someone for being mad at you. What can you do though. You can't change people can you. Then they aren't the person you liked in the first place.



I am off for a chalet this weekend. There will be alcohol consumption with 26 of my closest friends. It will be lots of fun. I hope you are having a good time this weekend to.

BTW, I went with Tracy. If you want to check out a pick of hers check it out here.

Today has been an interesting day. It became another mental health day. I slept until 12 which was great. Now I am completed rested. Then I went out and got a piercing. The one depicted below. Doesn't that look fun. I know you are jealous. No, it did not hurt. Yes, my parents will freak. I am 22 now, they should realize the have no say in my life. Just opinions. All I have to do is teach them that opinions do nothing to sway the stuborn.





There is only one downside to my new pearcing. No one can suck on my ear for 6 weeks. I don't know how I am going to live without that! ;-)

There is a battle that must be fought every morning. Do I get out of bed and greet the world or do I stay under the warm warm blankets?

Today has been a good day. I have dubbed it my 'mental health' day. I was feeling fine, but then all of a sudden I ijust felt burned out. I guess school was getting to me or something. It's the something I should be worried about. It could still have harmful side effects on me. I think the new something could be finding a place in Toronto to live this winter. It's going to totally suck. First off I am the only person I know who is going to live there so I have to find a place for one. One definetly is the loneliest number. I am sure there are other reasons but that one concerns me the most.



Yeah Mental Health, it just doesn't last enough.

I have been in math way too long. Tonight we actually compared life to a linear program. You want to minimize the bad times and maximize the good times.

I don't know how it happened, but it did none the less. I fell in the shower. Don't worry though, my hip didn't shatter.

It was interesting night last night and complicated. The movie went well, a car broke down and a lesson learned.

There once was a lowly 22 year old boy that wanted to see the movie Charlie's Angels. Why do suppose he wanted to go? Was it the plot? No. Was it Luzy Liu? No. Drew Barrymore? No. Cameron Diaz? Umm, not exactly. It was because he wanted to see Cameron and the other girls. He just really wanted to see Cameron shake her ass in her underwear. I think a new low has been achieved. But as always, it is not illegal.

The other day we felt lost. After being in University you come to ecpect some norms. After about the first month there is an informal seating arrangement. Yes, I know this is very grade 2 and we should have gronw out of it, but having your "spot" is comforting. Any ways, the other day we showed up to class and someone was in out seats. We had no choice but to take someone elses seats. It was hard. I don't know why, it just was. I guess the point is, we should never get to comfortable with anything. What fun is it if life is the same thing day after day. We need some variety and a little spice.

Hmm, home-made sushi is way better than the expensive stuff they try to sell you in those "authentic" restaurants, or our local coffee and dounut shop. We made over 60 rolls tonight for the 5 of us to eat. Yes we are a little full. The first batch suffered from rice-turbation (the nice new word I made up to describe a roll that had way to mmuch rice in it), The second batch was the cream of the crop. We out did ourselves. The learning curve on sushi is way lower than I would have expected, and most importantly the act of making sushi is not illegal!

I did something illegal, or at least I particiapated. Actually I admit to no wrong doing aty anytime. You see there was a pretty package that was sent to a fictional person at this address. The nice package sat around her for a while. Then it was plpaced out and marked with Return to Sender. No one wanted it. The poor package. It was feeling unloved and revelealed itself to us. It was a crappy package though. It had nothing good inside. I guess a lesson was learned.

My friends have serious issues with camera mis-management. I left my camera unattended a couple of times for this last role of film and now I am the proud owner of: 2 croch shots, 3 ass shots, and 4 bad pictures. I really should learn to guard my camera better,

I added a new Stories section to the site. I think why is self evident. I am just a messed up person.