Them: We think you have a problem.

Me: Huh?

Them: All those late night sessions.

Me: The what?

Them: When you go out to your car, turn on the heated seats and sit their for hours sucking in the new car smell. We think you have a problem.

Me: I don't know what you're talking about. Get away from me.

Them: Put the keys down. You're getting dependent. We need to nip this in the bud.

Me: It's only been a day, go away!

(struggle ensues)

(I am victorious. I grab the switch-key out of a balmy hand and run quickly to be reunited with my loved one. I sit inside, inhaling the luxurious smells, thinking this must be what fatherhood is like.)