Your dirty little secrets are filling up my mind. Acts of confessed sin, or perhaps acts of stupidity in a moment of passion or obfuscation. I am not a priest and offer no form of absolution. Yet, you confess to me what has been done. I know it’s my fault. I encouraged it. You see the gossip monger hidden beneath my blue eyes. I relish to hear the horrible things people have done or are about to do or are living through. It dances as you describe details of a tawdry affair. This information is intoxicating at first, but the more my mind evaluates the tidbit it reveals the power that is lies within.



So the basic problem these days is that I have too much dirt. I’ve collected it over the years and as I look around at friends and family I can see the harm that I could cause by dropping these tiny bombs and watch their shattering effects on relationships and tear apart the truth that was in its place. Not that I have a desire to do any of these things, but I could turn up some major shit and I have decided, or maybe I am mature enough to avoid the situation all together. I have no idea how I am going to do that, but I am going to try to try. After all, there are some secrets that are better off said to cleanse the soul, reveal the truth or avoid danger.

The big geek I am, I have a gmail account to fool around with now too. I feel so in the loop, and almost important. It's all about the hook ups.

I just don't yell enough at strange drunk people. Really, what do I have to worry about, I am pretty much bigger than everyone at the bar except perhaps the bouncer, and as I recall the last time a bouncer yelled at me I sassed him. Ellen, some dude who looks like Ellen Degeneres, got mad at me when I went down some stairs that where apparently off limits. I explained to him that it wasn't marked and not my problem. He thought it was, but didn't do anything about it. On Saturday I pounded back a few beers, and on the way out some rude dude pushed us out of the way because we were moving to slow. I kept yelling at him and ended it with... 'Ha ha we got a cab and at the end of the night all you have is your hand in your pants'. Class am I.

How I find myself in this bar is just a part of the randomness of life these days. The past two weeks have been filled with some highs and some lows, to numerous and embarrassing to go on about here. But the end result places me in this bar on Lakeshore drinking with friends. I regret it the moment I step in and the smoke infiltrates every pore of my clothes, and my friends point out that the mullet to non mullet ration is 1 to 3. There is a surprising variety of mullets - hockey, 70's and future skullets. After a lonely gin and tonic the night ends. The torment was too much to take as it was karaoke night in this particular bar, and Buddy Jr just belted out a Nickelback tune that sets everyone on edge as he shrieks dirty lyrics about where he like pants to be.

Good - Patios

Bad - Tax Man

Good - Kill Bill vol 1 and 2 with the over the top violence

Bad - Tax Man, I demand a recount

My mother calls me at 10:30 Monday night. Something is wrong. I can hear that quiver in her voice as she tells me that my brother is in the hospital and about to have surgery, go under the knife. She is probably wiping a tear from her eye at this point. In my head I have been whisked away to sunny california, I figure it's my responsibility to sift through his belongs and decided what to keep, sell and throw away. She tells me his appendix has burst and is going to be removed, it's risky business and she is praying for him. I'm whisked back to Canada, everything is going to be fine. It's just and appendix right?



She has this habit of painting a gruesome picture and passing it on. She's let her mind run away with her and it infects everyone else she passes the information on to. In her defense I can't blame her, what else is a parent to do if their son is half way around the world and they can't be with them when the hospital calls to tell them what is going on. Who else will be at their bedside when they wake up. Of course everything is okay now. and in the drama seems a little silly and uncalled for, but someone how warranted at the time.